Photo by Cathal Mac an Bheatha
Happy love day! Valentine's day is a favorite for some and loathed by others, mostly because it is all about love of your partner.
And while I for one am excited to pour an even bigger portion of love onto my sweetheart today, in truth, loving someone else is NEVER separate from loving yourself. (And if it is, you've entered Martyr country - never a fun of a place to be).
So for all of you budding Astrologers out there who may or may not have spent many many hours looking up compatibility markers in a new romance's chart (don't worry, I won't tell), I thought today I would go into the ACTUAL markers that show compatibility between two souls.
And most of them will surprise you, because in the end your compatibility with someone is only and ever a direct match to your compatibility with yourself.
Below is a very simplified version of my tried and true Relationship Reading for what to look for when sizing up a new mate.
Step 1 - Look at how your own Sun and Ascendant relate to each other.
Are they similar energies or seriously at odds? Your Sun is your 'Soul Truth' and your Ascendant (or Rising Sign, same thing) is how you think you're supposed to show up in the world.
This is hugely important to know when dating as you yourself might be a main cause of the miscommunications and feelings of not being understood by not understanding how you come across to others.
An example of this might be someone who has a Libra Ascendant and a Leo Sun.
Who this person feels they're supposed to be out in the world (the more or less unconscious personality they 'learned' early on gets them the most approval) is balanced, fair, diplomatic and never to make it 'about them' (Libra AC).
But in reality their Soul Truth is that they want the spot light and really really need that adoration in order to feel like their true self (Leo Sun).
So if they show up as only accommodating towards their new love for the first few months and then start getting mad that their new partner never appreciates them (because their Sun isn't getting its full recognition) you can see how they kinda set themselves up for at best miscommunication and at worst failure.
A simple fix to this would simply be telling someone when they first start dating that even though they come across as very accommodating and 'fine with whatever,' in truth a big need of theirs is to have people acknowledge their amazing-ness (which they are then more than happy to return!)
New to the archetypal meanings of each Sign? You'll be a pro at them after reading my book.
Step 2 - Look at what your Core Needs are (and if they clash with your Sun/AC outer personality)
Your Core Needs are shown (again simplifying) mainly through your Moon and your IC placement.
Your Moon shows what Comforts you, and your IC shows what your Deepest Need is (often because we were never given it when younger, and often is a bit unconscious to us of how desperately we need it fulfilled).
Never heard of an IC? It's one of the 4 Angles of a Chart that orient you in life (another one being your AC which we covered above).
You can think of the Angles like your own personal North, South, East, West. (We go super in depth with them in class 5 of the Astrology School which is open for registration in March!)
lets say someone has their Moon in Pisces but their IC in Capricorn.
They would be deeply comforted by merging with another and melting back into the cosmic oneness (Pisces Moon). But at the same time they literally NEED to be in control and seen as a leader otherwise they feel un-grounded and unsafe, no doubt because they grew up in an environment where they literally needed to 'take control' otherwise they'd be controlled themselves (Capricorn IC).
So if they show up as an Authority with solid boundaries, which comforts their IC, their need to merge and erase boundaries feels unfulfilled (Pisces Moon).
A simple fix to this would be knowing this about yourself and knowing what situations require you to acknowledge your need to be 'in control' and which situations are ok and safe for you to soften your boundaries and 'merge' with the other person. And not feeling like you need to always be one or the other (see my article on not shaming your contradictions).
Step 3 - Does your Outer Personality (Sun and AC) conflict with your Inner Personality (Moon and IC)?
This one tends to be the big Ah Ha moment in my Relationship readings with clients.
How do you combine all 4 of those aspects of yourself (Sun, AC, Moon, IC) together into one semi-cohesive whole?
The answer is patience and compassion with yourself. (And so much communication).
Once you realize you're a million competing patterns all just trying to feel heard and seen and loved, you have more compassion for yourself and stop trying to squish yourself into a 'this is what i'm supposed to be all the time' box.
And surprise surprise, that takes some time (as in a lifetime) to reach that level of self compassion, but each little step gets you closer.
And the more compassionate you are to yourself (aka the more you show up as the real you, whatever form that takes in each moment) the more likely it is that you'll energetically call in a partner who also has that same level of compassion and love for you.
It's all a mirror.
So on this day of love, I suggest spending some time with your ultimate Soul Mate (you) and getting to know them a bit better by exploring and meditating on how each of those 4 aspects of yourself show up for you (and which ones, if any, you're pushed into the shadows of your subconscious).
What does it mean that your Sun (Soul Truth) expresses itself through such and such a Sign?
What does it mean that your AC (Learned Personality) expresses itself through it's Sign?
What does it mean that your Moon (Emotional Comfort) expresses itself through it's Sign?
And what does it mean that your IC (Deepest (often subconscious) Need) expresses itself through it's Sign?
Spend some time thinking about these questions, and then some time with that amazing partner that has your back always, is endlessly, fascinatingly complex, wonderfully lovable, and always exactly what you need....
P.S. The Astrology School is available for registration until April 5th, 2020.
Click here to learn more and save your spot.
Hi, I'm Veronica - Astrologer, Artist, Teacher, Storyteller, and Soft-Hearted Seeker of Non-Dualistic Truth.